Never Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance #5) Read online

  I watch as the crowd lights the sky with lighters and cell phones, see my family to the right holding up theirs. Watch as Bright holds a lighter. There are signs in the audience that say RIP Candey, we love you Noah, live on… they go for miles it seems and I am overwhelmed by the love.

  "We almost lost him too, thank God for big favors." They cheer and the response is profound. "So we are gonna take it down a notch and play a little something Beckett wrote about letting go and moving on." Chad looks to me and then to Bright, but my eyes are on her.

  "This one's for Bright, called Fallen."

  We play the song, Chad singing because I can't. I see Bright take the words in and I see her wipe tears and smile at me. Raleigh, sobbing beside her, keeps hugging her and blows me a kiss and then I watch as Bright blows me a small kiss and I make a small move between keys to catch it.

  The end of the song comes and Shame and Chad both stop playing, Chad taking a seat beside me at the piano as he sings, Cal's guitar riff fades out and it is just me and the keys while he sings.

  I found it now….

  I gotta let you go

  I am fallen, oh baby I have fallen

  I can't dance alone anymore,

  Baby I have fallen,

  I need to let go.

  The lights go out, the crowd is insane and I feel Chad hug me. "Proud of you bro." He says and I watch Shame hop off the boosted stage he plays on and come in behind, Cal too. The lights kick back on and I stand from the piano as they chant my name, scream and yell then chant TAT and all I want is to see her face and if she understood.

  She sees me and I watch as Carrie nods, then she makes her way to me on the stage, then runs until I take her and kiss her right there.

  "Meet Bright everyone." Chad roars and he and my boys start clapping.

  The whole place sounds like thunder the applause is so insane and we are on the big screen. She is in my arms, legs around me as we kiss and I admit, it's kinda cool being a girl like Chad.

  Red

  Pieces

  Bright

  We are sitting side by side in the GTO and his hand is in mine. I can't believe what just happened and I can't explain the beat of my heart right now. The drama after the warm up makes sense now, how the guys were against the girls. They knew it wasn't that he was sad, but that I was taking it wrong.

  We stayed for a while at the after party and I met more of their friends than I can remember and the weight that was lifted off of him was obvious. "So tell me what changed?" I ask and the lights on the road are the only lights illuminating his face.

  He looks over at me then kisses my fingers entwined in his. "I have been fighting accepting her death for over a year. She died last august and it's November. I never went there to see her grave. I stayed faithful to her."

  He stops talking when we get to the Hilton in Pasco. "See I knew you were gonna try to get me in bed." I say and smile unfastening my seatbelt.

  "Isn't that always my goal?" He asks and winks before meeting me at the end of the car. "Carrie and Roni brought our stuff over earlier when you were out with Ral and Cass."

  I try to not freak out at Carrie or Roni packing my things, but he interrupts my freak out. "Raleigh and Cassa packed for you when you were in the shower. I had em in my back pocket the whole time girl."

  "Ral can't keep a secret for shit, so whatever you did to get him quiet was probably worth it."

  He smiles and laughs, "I told him I would kiss him one day when he least expected it."

  I stop and look at him in shock. "You're joking?"

  He laughs and grabs my hand pulling me to him for a fast kiss. "I was desperate to get his help. I know you baby. I have seen you pack for a single night."

  I feel that unease remembering that night a few weeks back that left distance in our wake. "Hey, don't do that. Don't let the bad shit in. All you need is right here." He kisses me again and I want so bad to not be on edge.

  He takes my hand into his and leads me to the Hotel. "God, I know I'm a snob, but I love knowing I get the Hilton and not a tour bus with all men."

  He laughs. "Liar, you want 5000 thread count sheets and a Jacuzzi."

  I laugh and nod biting my lip. "And room service."

  He laughs and kisses me again. "Well come on then. Queen for the night."

  I spin and stop him with my hand on his chest, serious tone "I'm a princess, queens are old."

  I see this look of, disgust and hate and literally take a step back. "I won't ever call you that, I can't." He shakes his head and I wonder if ..

  "Candey?" I ask, because fuck it I have the right to ask about her. She deserves my respect for asking and respecting it.

  He scrubs his face and looks at me. "No, I wouldn’t call her that either. My dad called Carrie princess, every time he…" his words trail off and I know what he is saying.

  "I am queen shit then babe. Let's go on my date." I say and don't push, his softness coming back immediately.

  "Sorry, I don't want any of that shit, near this or us tonight. Feel me?"

  I do and I nod and kiss him so he knows I do.

  We get to our room but he stops before we get inside. "Okay, so I haven't ever been on a date before and seeing as we are in a pretty small area my options were limited, but I got the Hilton, I got a chef and I got this." He says and opens the door and I am all a gasp.

  OMG.

  "Ohmygoddddd!" I squeal and kiss him again before I start doing the happy dance right there in the hallway.

  He laughs and smacks my ass. "Well go on, I know you're dying." He says and I walk into the room that has everything I miss. Large massage tables sit in the living area of the suite, every lotion imaginable, every oil. I see manicure tables and I see Raleigh, Cassa and Carrie all there waiting on me.

  "When …how?" I ask and hug him so close.

  "I want to take you on a real date when we don't have a show every night, but I wanted you to know that I do see you. I do know you Bright. I love how girly you are and prissy. I know you miss Raleigh and girl time, I know it sucks being on a bus with just men. So I wanted to give you a gift."

  Holy shit… I can't process the emotions I feel right now.

  "I have two interviews I have to do with the guys down stairs. We are all staying here tonight and they leave when I get back." He points to my girls and then looks back at me. "We will eat and relax and talk, because that is what you do on dates." He lets the door close, pulling me with him for a moment of privacy.

  "There will be no fucking tonight. That isn't what this is about. I need you and me to get on the same page, alright?"

  I nod and smile at him, because I appreciate him, so much right now.

  "Good girl, now kiss me so I can work."

  I do and he smacks my ass and opens the door heading into the suite to get changed and I run all yippy to Ral. "Did he really say he would kiss you?" I ask and Carrie and Cassa both gasp.

  "He promised." Ral says and winks at me.

  Noah comes out looking amazing in a thermal grey shirt with a Ramones T shirt over it and his same dark blue worn looking jeans and Chucks.

  "I'll be back and you guys will be gone so have fun." He says to the three of them with a pointed glare then looks at me and kisses me quick.

  I watch him go and feel my heart stutter with shit I just really can't name.

  I look back to the bottle of Crystal and chocolate covered strawberries as the misuse's and manicurists come in and I can figure and process later, right now I want to enjoy this gift.

  Noah

  I get back to the room by two AM and I am exhausted and wired all at once. Carrie left before I got there, but Ral and Cassa were still sitting in robes relaxing.

  I look at Bright, her skin is glowing and she looks so happy, pride knowing I did that takes root in my soul. I walk over and kiss her, then look at them. "I need to shower and you guys need to get lost."

  Cassa smacks him playfully and stands to kiss him on the cheek before telling
me goodbye.

  "Come on Ral, he ain't gonna kiss you until you least expect it." She says and I laugh because she's right.

  "Fine, I have a flight in four hours so I guess some sleep is necessary so I don't go back to Cali looking downtrodden." He walks up to me and hugs me, appropriately, though if I'm honest I was prepared for anything. "I am thankful she found you Noah Beckett, I am also thankful you let her find you." I hug him back because I know what he meant.

  He hugs Bright and I disappear for the shower making it quick because I heard the Chef drop of our dinner when I got in the shower.

  I throw on some basketball and no shirt and head out with all my tatts on display. I need them on display. "Thanks for doing this so late." I say to Chef Ricardo and slip him a hundred dollars for the tip and close the door.

  I make my way to Bright, sitting in a white fluffy bathrobe and, well it is what it is, I shift my dick at the sight of her. My cock needs to chill the fuck out tonight though.

  Ain't happenin'.

  We make small talk about the interview, she tells me about how Raleigh kept them in stitches all night and looks at me with a softness I don't know if I have ever seen her so perfect.

  "I love that you aren't scared or uncomfortable by him." She takes a bite of her filet mignon' and I know she is in heaven.

  I shrug. "Don't bother me, pretty sure he knows I love pussy."

  She laughs and I love throwing her off with the shit I say.

  "I don't know if he cares." She laughs and shakes her head. "I would be lost without him though. You have your little family, and Ral is mine."

  "Oh, well I think he might come to the dark side with us misfits." I say and drink from my beer pushing back my plate.

  I watch her eyes as they scan me, and I know she likes looking at me as much as I do her. I catch it though, the minute she sees my new ink. She gets up and comes to sit on the edge of the table in front of me to look. I am one track minded because a simple shift would have me eating her pussy for desert.

  Bad Noah.

  "When did you get this?" She asks, and I am glad she did, because it will help me explain where I have been since meeting her and the dance between dead and the living.

  "I got it the other night when I left to stay in Gig. Chad did it."

  "True love? Kind of deep stuff."

  "It's part of her name, but it was a promise I made her once and then again at her grave." I pull her down to me to sit on my lap, scooting back on my chair. "Her name as you know is Candey true love, and she loved this spot on my neck. Said it was hers because nothing else marred it, that piece was a blank canvas. She was into art, loved painting." I stop and look at her. "Did you see my booth that day in PIT?"

  She shakes her head no. "I was honestly, more into looking at you."

  I laugh. "That's okay, I kept looking at your tits." I give her lascivious smile and continue. "I ask because I have a lot of her work in there." I shrug and play with the tie of her belt, half tempted to forgo my no fucking rule and eat her right fuckin' there.

  "Anyway, I always told her it was her spot, that one day I would put something there for her. The night she died, I had asked her to marry me and told her I would put Beckett there. For more than a year, that spot stares me down anytime I see it in the fuckin mirror."

  I look at her because I need her to really hear me. " I have loved her for so long, that when she died I refused to take it. When I met you, I wanted to fuck you." I smile, "Still do, but that is sex and I can separate that and still love her. After that first day on the bus, I don't know. You weren't someone I just wanted to taste." I taste her lips as I say it, feel her fingers come around my neck to the hair there. "Or lick…" I lick a path to her ear because I know she goes molten when I do. She gasps and I know I am slipping into dangerous territory. "Or fuck, which I haven't done yet, but have wanted to every minute of this tour."

  She shifts and I know she is uncomfortable so I lift her and take her to the big King bed in the suites room. I set her down and grab my beer and her champagne and go to lay beside her, face to face. I absently play with a strand of her hair and kiss her soft and sweet, no tongue, but fuck I want to grind her so bad. My dicks been hard since she sat on the table. "Tell me more." She says, quiet as if the moment would break.

  "When laid in my bed that morning, touching and getting some grind on… When I knew I couldn’t do the dance anymore. I danced between the dead and the living and it was stripping me down. I thought if I ignored you it would stop and she would still be mine." I cup her face in my hand and pull her closer. "It didn't, it made it worse. So much tension, fuck I am hard for you all the time, but plagued with guilt. That night I was drunk, I tried to tell you and I was so drunk. After that I went into myself to find the answers and they were in the music."

  I roll until she is half beneath me and kiss her, long and wet and sexy. I do it because I have to, I can't handle keeping my hands to myself anymore. "I knew you thought the song was for Candey, and it was in a way, but I made that peace with her girl. I let it go. I went home to my place last night and Chad put True Love there. I honor her and what she gave me…" I pause, so scared to really, truly do this. "I want to fill the void with the right things this time. True Love was my promise to her that I would."

  I see her tears and I don't stop until I am tracing my fingers through the tie and undoing it. Her legs fall open in a selfless invitation and I am honored she would give herself to me even though I won't take it. "I just need to touch you, nothing more." I say and open the robe to see her bare underneath.

  I drop kisses on her naval, and up, up, up until I have palmed one of her breasts and taken her mouth. Her legs are like scissors, open, close, open again and I know she wants me to touch her. She takes my hand and pulls it between her legs, not touching her yet. "Please…" she says and I pull my hand free and go to work, slipping my fingers through her heat, touching her the way I did that day. Feels like it's been years since I felt her; smelled her on my fingers.

  My dick is trapped on the mattress next to her hip, but I thrust anyway to relieve the ache. "Roll into me baby." I say and pull her back to my front and I am aligned with her ass, which opens a whole new can of wants and desires.

  I pull her leg up over my thigh, my leg resting between hers and I let myself play.

  That is all.

  My other hand is everywhere, turning her chin so I can kiss her mouth, palming a breast, then the other. "Noah, please…" She sighs and fuck me, I want to so bad.

  "I don't put out on the first date." I say reaching for a joke that makes her laugh, but it turns to a moan when I play with her clit. "I wanna play you like my bass..." I say and flick her clit, and press like I would my strings. A completely new rhythm that only I can hear.

  "I'll sing for you in a minute if you keep it up." She says, then arches her back when I slipped two fingers in and pressed up, feeling her melt on my hand.

  "Mmmm, fuck yeah. Sing for me girl… I miss that sound." I say and bite her lip, then lick it.

  I am so hard, thrusting against her ass and feel my cum leak out with every thrust, when she fucking cums all over my hand and I lose it.

  "Shit!" I say and roll until I am between her legs. "Feel that? Feel that I want you baby." I say stroking against her and I am dying to be in her, but I swore I would do it right. "I wont do it tonight, but I will split you in half in the morning… Fuck!" I curse and fall down on her, hand down my pants as I stroke it.

  "Cum on me then…" She says, and I wont make her ask twice.

  I sit back on my knees. "Tell me where?" I say and whip my cock out, so close, so fucking close nothing can stop this train.

  She comes in fast and her mouth opens at my tip, I watch my apa slip past her lips, and shot right on her lips and tongue.

  "Holy… Aaah God girl. Take it, take it all!" I shout and fall on my back, dick half out and wet on my stomach, watching, dying as she licks me from her lips like a snack.

  I grab h
er and pull her to my mouth, kissing her in thanks. Tasting a small piece of myself on her tongue like a fucking marking.

  She straddles me, and I'm not so sure it's smart. I see her all pliant and happy, sexy as fuck and I want her again. I shift and hold her hips, her robe still open showing me everything. She traces my tats, leans down and softly kisses my True Love tattoo.

  "Sorry I broke your rules." She says and smiles. I trace her lips and then cup her neck bringing her down with me and rolling us so she is in my arms curled against me.

  "I'm a little mad at me having no restraint because tonight isn't about sex, but I don't regret it." I kiss her neck and just enjoy the moment. "I do want another dinner date though."

  She giggles and twists to look at me. "Oh yeah?"

  "Yeah, other than your pussy. That's a feast I'm having for breakfast"

  She laughs again and I love the sound. Love that I gave up the mourning to be in this moment. "Oh yeah?"

  I nod with a chuckle. "The minute we wake up, the fuckin gloves are off and I'll be on you with everything I have."

  "Mmmm, can't wait." She leans up to look at the alarm clock. "It's technically morning now…"

  I groan, on a yawn. "Woman…"

  She gets up from my arms and ties her robe as I watch with tired eyes. "Might as well sleep naked, easier access." I say and she leans over to kiss me then heads to the kitchen and flips off all the lights.

  "What's up?" I ask when she comes back in and climbs in next to me, I feel half asleep.

  "Nothing." She whispers and pulls the blanket up over me and rests her head on my shoulder. "Go to sleep you're so tired…"

  I only caught half of what she said, as I drifted off… But I swear she said she was sorry.

  Bright

  He was so sweet and peaceful as he slept beside me and I hated myself. I have been so occupied with him, and my feelings for him that it didn't hit me until tonight when Raleigh asked if I believed in long distant relationships.