Never Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance #5) Read online

  He is in his room, his closet emptied all over his bed and floor. "How does this look?" He is wearing skinny grey jeans and an Armani silk jacket in charcoal grey with a white fitted button up shirt and black tie, loose.

  "Oh phenom." Cassa says and claps excitedly. "What shoes though? I vote Chucks."

  "Girl you are so on my page." He says and disappears to the closet coming out with, hot pink, black and turquoise chucks.

  "The turquoise." We say and he laughs.

  "I know right, I thought so too." He slips them on and comes back close to the phone and starts playing with his hair and putting his lip balm on, like lipstick mind you.

  "Okay sugar lips you look beautiful, but we have something to tell you." I say and he winks as I call him sugar lips.

  "Cass and Shame are getting a baby!" I say and he looks at me like I have two heads.

  "Like, from the streets?" He asks, a tone of fear in his voice that makes Cassa laugh.

  "Oh absolutely Ral. We got her on the black market."

  "Her?" Both Raleigh and I ask.

  Cassa nods and shows us a picture of a sweet Hispanic girl that is about three months old. "This is Esparella but we are calling her Ella."

  "Oh Cass, she's beautiful. Isn't she beautiful Ral."

  "Adorbs. Brangelina move over Shass is getting a baby. "

  "Oh that's a good one Ral." I say.

  "Oh my gaaaaawd." He coos. "She's so fuckin adorbs baby. And lucky to have you as her momma. When's the peanut coming home?"

  "In February, she'll be seven months old but still a baby. Her mother is pregnant and Ella was put in foster care after her birth when they saw she was addicted to meth. Shame and I see the damage that bitch Jenny did to Axe and we wanted to save Ella and give her the medical treatment she needs. Her mom is pregnant again, same story so we are petitioning to get her brother or sister too."

  I was listening to her story, poor Ella but I could not believe the disdain she holds for Jenny. I have spoken with Jenny a million times, I let Noah talk to her about most his steps and he lets me know what he does when it's complete. I do it because he feels a safety with Jenny and comfort. Hearing Cass trash her though was rough. I tried to not take it personal because there had to be a reason.

  I just didn't know it.

  "We should fly you out tomorrow for the show and some shopping." Cassa says and starts looking up flights.

  I had tuned out on them in my own thoughts, but the idea of Ral here perks me right up.

  "I would love to woman, but I am on at the Sage and Brew both tomorrow." He pouts dramatically.

  "Your boss must be a bitch." Cassa says and laughs.

  "She is, total cunt." Ral says and I spit my water.

  "Raleigh, if anyone is a cunt, it's you." I say and watch him snap a 'Z'.

  "Proud of it." He blows a kiss and we all laugh.

  "Ral, I miss you can't we get one of the guys from Eden house to cover?"

  He doesn’t argue, he never does when I beg him to shirk his responsibilities. I am the boss, so I can make it happen. "Tell Sean G and Cary Bolin to cover them, they know your duties and I trust them. Let them know I will pay double time with a hundred dollar bonus when you get back."

  "Oooh, Miss Millions here has a plan." Cassa says and laughs.

  "Okay, but you email them and ask because I feel like shit knowing I get to fly first class to see you."

  "First class Ral, really?" I say even though we both know I will.

  "Sweetie this ass is not coach, the only coach about me is in luggage."

  Cassa can't stop laughing. "Holy hell I love you Ral."

  He winks and I go to argue as he starts covering the camera and making static noises on the microphone. "Can't… bad..gotta..tomorrow.." Then he stops the act to tell me goodbye. "Text me the itinerary. Tootles bitches." And he was gone.

  "I am on it now." Cassa says and she is typing in the info. "What's Raleighs last name?"

  I pause and she looks at me. "Silly, I need his name. there's a flight that leaves at six, so I am gonna book it so we have him all day."

  "Cass… I can book it I have all his info." I say trying to avoid her question. She isn't letting me.

  "That's silly, I have it ordered just need to get his info in and voila. Besides I asked him, and though I know you're not scraping pennies together I don't feel right asking you to foot the bill."

  "Cass… if I tell you his name." I can't continue. I have never broken a confidence in Raleigh. Never.

  She takes my phone from my hands, not in anger, but concern and calls Ral. "Hi its, Cass. I need your last name for the ticket."

  Silence then she looks at me with curiosity, the worried kind.

  "I know she does, but I am buying."

  Silence again, then I can see that determined streak and its alarming.

  "Ral, did you ever hear why I can't have kids?"

  Silence then, "My ex butchered me hip to hip left me bleeding to die. I crawled five feet three inches to the phone and saved myself, much like I am guessing you’ve done. Now, that was like taking a bullet and it tasted like vinegar to admit to someone I don't know very well. Now, what is your last name?"

  "Fairchild. Got it. Love you to the moon and back and I cross my heart and hope to die, lips are sealed, all that mumbo jumbo, pinky promise, love you, bye."

  She types his last name in not looking at me. "So he is the lost Fairchild kid?"

  I nod, unable to comprehend what I just witnessed.

  She looks at me then. "People are assholes, the Fairchilds played it up three years ago like he was so against Gods plan and such an abomination. I don't think like them, none of us do." She looks back to her phone. "It is a well guarded secret I would never give away."

  "Thank you Cass." I say softly and she looks at me with a smile.

  "They are awful, and missing out on a fabulous loving son. Fuck them, like my sweet Ella, some people can't see the glory in front of their face. Their loss, our gain. Feel me?" She asks sounding just like Noah, I can't help but smile.

  "Yes, I do." I say and hug her.

  I get up to start for bed when she stops me. "You know, Carrie, Chad, Cal, Tay, Me and even Shame never thought we would find what we found. Cal, Chad and T and even myself had it pretty normal growing up. I lost my parents and my little brother in an accident when I was a kid, but never dealt with the bad until I was an adult." She looks at me pointedly.

  "You and Noah blame yourselves for deaths you couldn’t have caused. You were both in dangerous places, but he rolled to save Cans, and you never would have been there if you thought she would be in danger. Accidents happen, but so do bad things that we have no control over. I blamed myself, sometimes I still do, for staying with Cory for even a day, but nobody can judge you, and baby you judge you too fiercely."

  I look at her, unsure what to say when she smiles. "Go to bed gorgeous we have an early day. Just try to remember what I said okay?"

  "Love you Cass." I say and go hug her.

  "You too woman!" She says and smacks my ass.

  ***

  Bright

  By the time we left to get to the show, Raleigh was ready to go on a tear of Noah. Thank God Cassa had her way of calming him.

  "He thinks he is saving her Ral. He doesn’t know how to move forward."

  "Cass…" I ask and look at her as she drives. "Think he will ever get over her? Be able to move forward in time?"

  She bites her lip and looks at me, fighting to not tell me something that she shouldn’t, meaning I should definitely know. "Tell me Cass."

  "Ugh, fine! Please don't use this as a weapon though because he is already mad at me for yesterday."

  "What happened yesterday?" Raleigh asks and he is just as interested as me.

  "So when he played Fallen, it wasn't written for Cans. He wrote it for you. He was gonna tell you too, last night but shit went south in a fucked up way and fast. Tays been on him so hard and the pressure from the label and us even.
" She looks at me to gage my reaction, I nod for her to continue.

  "After the epic blow up, Noah went to her grave."

  She pulls into the venue and turns her attention to me…and Ral who is between the seats, practically panting for the story.

  "When he left last night, he did it to make peace with Cans."

  "Make peace how?" Raleigh asks, and it’s a damn good question.

  "He needs to move on with his life, and I am pretty sure you're it doll, and he flipped the fuck out with that realization. He finally made his peace, but it was late and he was upset and so the four stayed in Gig with him."

  I take in what she says and I want to feel joy, I do. He has hurt me more than any guy ever had the chance too, so though I hope, I do it with very little belief.

  "Oh hell, she's gonna marry my celebrity boyfriend and leave me to be inappropriate at every family function and child's birthday." Raleigh said and Cass rolls her eyes and laughs.

  "You know, the drummer is the sexiest one. Why not drool over him?" She plays it off with mock frustration.

  "Oh honey, he is. But he is taken girl, I don't go there for any man."

  I have left the convo at this point, my mind all over the place as I get out of the car and gather too many bags for one trip. I carry them into the bus, stopping short seeing pink roses in Tiffany crystal.

  The man got me Tiffany.

  I see the enormous bouquet of fifty with a note, and my name is on it. I can't hold back my anxiety as I open the card, an extra VIP pass with a post-it that says Raleigh. I hand him the pass's and pull the note out.

  Bright,

  Chad made a big move with Carrie when he finally had the balls to fight for her, so I copied him and one upped him. (go me, right?) I haven't been nice to you Bright, or fair and I want to be. So I figure I start with a simple declaration. I have a major crush on you and I want to take you on a date.

  Say you'll let me? One more chance?

  I'll see you tonight. I'll be the guy making a big damn deal about you.

  Sincerely,

  That guy that with a thing for you~

  Holy shit!

  "Holy shit!" I say and look around at all the pink, the scent so beautiful. I don't have words and I can't help but smile, reading and re-reading the card.

  "Holy shit!" Said Ral.

  "Holy fuck!" Said Cass and I laughed.

  She looks at me and drops the remaining bags. "Oh we need you fierce tonight. This is an obvious game changer."

  "I am on outfit duty, fix the hair and nails girl." Ral says and heads to my room on the bus and empties my purchases on the bed, going in hot for one thing and racing down the hall. "Should we do this here? What if he comes back?" He scrunches his face. "Awkward."

  Cass laughs and shakes her head. "They are at the festival, it started an hour ago. They have sponsors and interviews, radio… He is occupied all day."

  My anxiety reaches the peak and I freak out. "Everyone stop!" I sit down and feel my heart racing, not wanting to get excited or get my hopes up. Noah is the best at that. I look at them once I splash water on my face from the sink.

  "What's his angle?" I ask Cass because she has more inside scoop than even Sully.

  "I don't think he has one Bright. I think he really just wants to stop the drama and take you on a date."

  Raleigh comes over and kisses my cheek before taking my hands. "Let him honey. He's been such an epic asshole, let him suffer a little." He shrugs and shakes his ass. "Shake your ass, talk and mingle and let him see the flip side of the coin. Then and only then, concede to a date."

  "Oh, I agree completely." Cassa say coming to kiss my other cheek as Carrie walks in with a woman I haven't met before.

  "Hey there!" Carrie says and halts at seeing my worried face. "What now?" She takes in the flowers and the new clothes Ral threw on the floor. She takes in Raleigh and looks back to me.

  Cassa hands her the card before looking at me to finish her thought. "Noah is used to women falling at his feet. Candey, didn't. Hence the appeal. Make him see he isn't the last guy on earth."

  Carrie looks up with a smile. "Jealousy is a bitch and I bet he hasn’t ever felt it."

  We all laugh and she looks to the woman beside her, the beautiful, no makeup needed type. "This is Roni, Cass's sister in law. You'll meet Mike later." She says and Roni shakes my hand smiling.

  "This is Raleigh." I say knowing it is all the introduction he needs. Wearing a pink vest with a white tank top under it and skinny blue jeans and pink suede oxfords by Steve Madden.

  "I'm gay." He says in way of explanation to who he is and I laugh. "And your husband is a bit of a heartthrob in my community." He claps as he says it, so excited my Ral.

  Carrie laughs and hugs him. "Oh he will love rubbing that in."

  "Okay, let me get ready. Raleigh go play at Cassa's until I get there. I need to think." Ral frowns until he realizes he still gets a day with the girls and perks up kissing me on my cheek again.

  "Okay, one thing if I may?" He asks and plays with my hair.

  "Go for it." I say and look at him.

  "Hair down and wavy. Don't let him think you dressed for him. Stay understated baby."

  "Good point, I'll try." It was a very good point, but I was too confused on what was happening over night really. Hell I was still trying to remember the words in the song he played yesterday, unaware it was for me.

  I watch them leave and walk to my room, stopping when I see his bed. "What are you doing to me Noah…" I say into nothing and head to get my shower things.

  This was the last chance. I couldn’t handle his indecision anymore. I would hear him out, I would let him in again.

  But I am terrified.

  Noah

  I was drenched in sweat after an hour straight through of rocking the crowd. Festivals were bad ass because the crowd went on forever and it meant bring you’re a game. We ran off the stage while Cal stayed out playing riffs making them go crazy.

  Chad comes over and tosses me a water and looks to my neck. "Poor some of that on there." He says referring to my new tattoo he gave me last night when we were back from the cemetery. That spot on my neck was always intended for Candey. I had planned to put Beckett there to honor her when she was my wife, but after she past I put it old school along my hips.

  So last night, after sandblasting all the pain away, I had him scroll the words 'True Love' in both honor of her, but of what might be.

  Right now though, I should have waited a few days before I knew I would be sweating. Shit burns, but I am more concerned of the infection. I poor the bottle of water over my head, seeing Bright from behind me. I haven't spoke to her since we took the stage, but I see her, have been seeing her all night. Dressed in tight dark blue jeans and a grey sleeveless sweater. Her hair is down and wavy, her face like every Goddess I could imagine. Fuck she is so hot, so fucking on fire hot. The Gods would have wrote scriptures on her beauty.

  That fuckin hot.

  I watch as they look, every fuckin guy in here. They touch her arm or smile when she laughs. I get it, I do the same shit. She's polite, never takes it too far, but tonight I finally see her how I should have always seen her. And I am seeing that she ain't watching me.

  She's off with the girls and other VIP holders that can get this close. I know she got my note and flowers, she told me thank you and kissed my cheek before slipping off with the girls.

  I hear the crowd go crazy and I know Cal just finished fucking around and we were set to get back out there. I know what song is coming and I am done letting her play flirt and make me suffer.

  I ain't stupid, I accept I pushed her to it. Done with that shit though and I was about to remind her exactly why she didn't want anyone but me.

  I rush over to her and pull her from the A and F mother fucker she's talking to and bring her in close. "Come watch me play." I say it close to her neck and see her try to hide the shiver it gave her.

  "I am watching." She says and smiles t
o her douchy friend.

  Yeah, not happening.

  "Up here girl. I need to see you." I say and unlike A and F I don't need charm to get her, I have her, have always had her even if I didn't want it. I do now though, and telling her the truth no game or bullshit, she listened like I knew she would.

  She lets me take her hand and guide her to where Raleigh is staring breathless at Chad. Oh fuck yes, this will be fun. I lean in to Raleigh, ignoring his glare he has been giving me all night.

  Again, been a dick I accept the outcome. He's her boy and he has her back. I respect it, but he will get over it soon enough.

  "Hey Ral, do me a favor and keep her here. I have something I need her to see." I look to Chad, not fighting fair. "Chad, tell him how bad I need Bright right here."

  Chad knows what I need so he lays it on thick. Gotta love GQ.

  "Man, yeah that would be killer if you could help. We got a surprise." He whispers the last part close to Ral's ear and he immediately nods his head yes.

  "Sweet dude, thanks man. See ya at the after party." Chad says and looks to me. "Let's go."

  I lean down to Brights ear and kiss just below her earlobe. "Listen close here girl." And I was gone, out on stage and about to bring the truth to her face. I saw my sister and Cassa, Mike and Ron all huddle in close like I knew they would.

  The lights came on and the crowd went crazy, I took my seat at the piano and waited for Chad to start em up. "So listen up guys, we love being home."

  Crowd went crazy again and it was true, the best fans to play for were the hometown fans. We had so many passes we handed out knowing we weren't playing Seattle this tour due to the festival. All our boys from back in the day were back stage partying with our girls and it felt great.

  "You know this has been a year for the books, those of you who are truly devoted know that just over a year ago one of my boys here, Beckett, lost someone."