Never Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance #5) Read online

  I gather my things and take the stack of paperwork as well as the contract with me as I leave. I am scheduled to meet TAT, more importantly Noah, tomorrow at Carries house. As for the Brew and the Sage I needed to beg Raleigh to cover any extra shifts knowing I was bailing out for three months. I wouldn’t be home until the day after tomorrow, but I knew I couldn’t put it off.

  “Are you done saving the world one lost soul at a time?” Raleigh’s voice said from the other end of the line and I relaxed almost immediately into my connection with my best friend.

  “Um, if I say no what will it do to our friendship?” I ask and I hear him scream like a school girl in front of Justin Bieber.

  “I cannot believe you did it girl. Damn the luck. So tell me the truth how screwed up is this guy?” He knew who Thick as Thieves was… okay he was a crazy fan so knowing I would be with them had made him go tween girl on me.

  “I can’t tell you.”

  “Boo.” He sounded like a petulant child. “Can I meet them if they come through Cali?”

  “You can’t ask me that I don’t even know if this dude will like me yet Ral.”

  “Wait you didn’t meet him already?”

  I went over the stipulations of the label and could feel his disgust as if it were my own. “Sounds intense Bright. You sure you want to take this on?”

  Gone was the self-absorbed fan and in his place was my rock solid bestie. “I think so. They think that my addiction will benefit in keeping him from sticky spots.” I chose my words carefully because I wanted to respect Noah’s anonymity. Besides his business was his, not Raleigh’s, even if Ral begged.

  “Listen Ral. I come home Thursday night, but this tour, if he wants me to be his sponsor I am gonna be gone for a while…” I bite my lips and squeeze my eyes shut tight fearing his response.

  “What’s a while Bright?”

  I tell him and immediately pull the phone from my ear as he flips out in epic childish fashion. I mean complete meltdown. I wait the whole five minutes for him to come down from full blown meltdown. “You done?” I ask and fear another tantrum.

  “Three months Bright? Seriously? Tell me why you feel the need to do this and leave out the word atonement.”

  “Atonement is it Ral. I need to feel like I gave back. After everything I have done and the people I hurt. This is my way of making things right.”

  “Honey, you give free food more often than you sell it. The Brew is a soup kitchen if we base it off the homeless men and women you feed. You handle more charities and donate time and money to this community, to the gay community. You do more good deeds baby than any one person I know.”

  “It’s not enough for what I took Ral.”

  “Says who baby? It was an accident Bright.” I want to so badly believe him, but Brittany was my responsibility and I failed her.

  “It wasn’t an accident Ral. She was raped at the party I let her go to. It cost her, her life.”

  “A life she took Bright. Not you.”

  “A life she would have had if I had watched out for her instead of me. I should have been with her.”

  Guilt blankets me and I am reminded of why it will never be enough. No amount of good will ever take away my worst mistake.

  “Girl, God knows you suffer and you have suffered enough. I keep waiting for you to wake up and see that no amount of good will forgive you, only you can forgive you.”

  “Well it's not happening, not yet Ral.”

  He dropped it there knowing he would keep at it in hopes I would snap out of this regret and guilt, but over time he learned best to let it go. My atonement was mine and Noah was just another person I could try to help. I would not judge or study him for insight. I would be a friend, it was all I could do and hope for the best.

  I discussed the details of the next three months and the help I would need from Ral who accepted, though not happy he knew I needed his support and he gave me it without complaint.

  The nine blocks to my hotel went by in a blur as I thought about how I was possibly going to help a drug addict when I had no qualifying skills to help him. I am trying to remind myself that I love hard, I have a big heart and love to help others, I just hope it will be enough and that I didn’t just set myself back four years.

  Into the flood again

  Same old trip it was back then

  So I made a big mistake

  Try to see it once my way

  Alice In Chains~Would (unplugged)

  Chapter Four

  Bright

  I pull into the circular drive of 1053 SE Terrace lane and watch as the steel gate slides shut behind me. For being the home of an author and lead singer they weren’t much for security. The minute I come to the front of the big, yet not rock star big house, I see the entire strip of driveway is covered in cars. Either they were car enthusiasts or there was more than a simple meet and greet going on.

  I see a Jeep, a Land Rover. An old muscle car that has been rebuilt and an Escalade. I can only assume the entire band is here but as I make my way up the drive I see a Harley Davidson and Ducati as well. Before I make it to the steps of the front porch Tayla and Carrie both come rushing out the door with excited and nervous faces.

  “You found it!” Carrie says and hugs me before Tayla leans in to hug me next.

  “How’s the nerves Chica?” She asks and pulls me back to look me over.

  “I’m good. I figure if we don’t hit it off I am fine going home. I honestly just want to help.”

  “I believe that Bright.” Carrie says and looks at my feet. “OMG are those the Manolo Blahnik Knight slouchy suede boots?”

  I can't help but perk right up at the talk of fashion and kick my foot out to show off. “Guilty.” I say with a kick in my step and laugh. A woman with fashion sense is a trustworthy woman. I truly believe that.

  “Oh hell Cassa will love you.” Tayla says and I look at her confused.

  “Oh duh. Cassa is Shamus James wife and a dear friend of ours. She loves fashion. I bet she spots those boots in a second flat.”

  “She thinks that any woman that fully appreciates fashion is a woman we all can trust.” Carrie says and I laugh out loud.

  “Holy shit I think the same thing. It's me credo.”

  “Oh hell we have the perfect fit Care.” Tayla says and motions for us to follow her inside.

  Carrie and I follow when Tayla stops short. “So we thought we would have the entire band over so that you could meet everyone. Noah will have his own bus on this tour because he will have you as well as Sully from time to time.”

  That stopped me… that name? Where had I heard it before? “Sully?”

  “Noah and I only had one friend growing up and Sully was it. His name is Sam Sullivan but we call him Sully.”

  “That’s so strange…” I drift off wondering if my tattoo artist is going on the same tour. It’s not impossible but the odds…

  “What is?” Carrie asks and I can sense her concern.

  “Sorry…” I shake my head as if to fling the feeling off. “I got a tattoo yesterday and the artist was named Sully.”

  “Oh…” Carrie looked sick.

  “It wasn’t anything bad.” I explained and showed them my wrist where the dandelion and script was. He had done an amazing job. I honestly didn’t think that they would give two shits about my one tattoo considering they were called TAT.

  “Paradox Ink tattoo?” Tay asked. I nodded but I felt ashamed. I had done something awful here but had no idea what.

  “Hold on one second Bright.” Tay said and stepped up to the door, opening it briefly. “Sam, come here real quick please.” She didn’t wait for a response as she turned back to me the door still open.

  I watched in scared wonder as Sully, my tattoo artist stepped out of Carries beautiful home.

  “Whoa, hey Bright” He said with a smile and I calmed slightly.

  “Hey Sully. Small world right?” I asked and fell into his welcoming hug.

  “What’s up
girl? Why you here?”

  Now he seemed uncomfortable and confused and it only confused me more. It was like suddenly they treated me like a stalker. They looked at me with trepidation, like I had intent. For what I don't know.

  “I was hired yesterday to sponsor Noah.” I look to Carrie and Tayla for reassurance, which they weren’t giving me. “Should I not have said his name? I assumed if Sully was here he was a friend or part of the band.” Hell, I kept making this worse. Every word I said seemed to make them more uncomfortable.

  “So you have met Noah?” Carrie asks with barely masked disdain.

  “What? No.” I shake my head and look to Sam, the only face that I feel comfort from and I barely know him. I am scared and have no idea what is going on or what I said to upset them so much.

  “Ladies- " Sam..er Sully whatever intervened in my panic at this situation and caught our attention. “She ain't a fangirl. She never met Noah Becket. She met Jer.” He looked at them, pointedly. “My partner… Jer.”

  A light bulb went off on both Carrie and Tayla who seemed overwhelmed by the relief.

  “Sully can you get Noah so we can introduce them without all the gang?” Tayla asked and he laughed to himself throwing an absolutely over his shoulder.

  “Did I do something to upset you both?” I ask but before they can answer I turn to meet Noah who is as shocked as I am.

  Noah

  “Noah?” I hear Sully call my name from the front door.

  “Yeah?” I yell from the kitchen where I have both Noelle and Axe on my lap as I sing the finger family song using olives on the tips of my fingers.

  “Tay needs you, and bro you really gotta come see this to believe it.” He is in the doorway of the kitchen now, a glimpse of pure happiness in his eyes.

  I look at him questioningly as I set my niece and nephew at the table with Jen. “What bro?” I ask as I follow him to the front door.

  “Remember that hot California girl in the shop yesterday?”

  “Fuck dude how could I forget?”

  “Exactly.” He says and pushes my back so I stumble out the front door, stopping smack dab in front of Bright.

  “What the fuck?” I ask and cringe back. Obviously we have a stage five. I assumed she had no clue who I was but it’s obvious she knew damn well and now came to pay me a visit. “Bright? Right?”

  “Jer?” She asks and looks to Tay and Carrie completely confused. So confused in fact she couldn’t fake it if she had tried.

  “Uh yeah. What’s up sweetheart?” Okay so I am a guy and when faced with the option to fuck I play that card. Besides the sexiest chick I have ever seen in my life is back in front of me. Fuck just her voice made me hard. I had to save a homeless guy or something because the Gods just shined in my favor and karma fucks better than a whore so I needed to pay this good luck forward. “How’d you find me baby?” I am reminded of our days as a garage band in Gig and the pile of pussy we made our way through was steep and deep with stalkers. Hell, it had been a long time since I had a crazy fuck session so I was game if Bright was.

  I know what you’re thinking and fuck off. I am a guy. Broken hearted or not doesn’t matter I have a demanding dick and it wants Bright.

  “I am so confused right now. I came to meet Noah and found out Sam is part of the band, and what? You are too? I am seriously waiting for Raleigh to jump out from behind a tree and yell gotcha just so he could post this shit on YouTube in an hour.” That last part she said under her breath and I had to laugh until I thought Raleigh might be a dude and that shit ain't funny when I am looking to nail her to my bed for a week of straight fucking.

  “Now I’m confused. Who the fuck is Raleigh?” I say and look around waiting on the dude to actually pop out of the bushes because this is too fucking strange.

  She shakes her head. “My best friend.” She looks to Tayla. “I think this was a mistake. I feel like I’m the butt of some fucked up joke you’re playing and honestly it’s not my scene. I really truly was looking to help a person in need.”

  “Are you telling me that you don’t know who this is?” Tayla asks and points to me. I say nothing because I am just as curious. In that instant it hits me like a freight train.

  “The sponsor?” I ask Tay and she nods.

  “Oooh motherfuck.” I say and look up to the sky. Apparently Karma was going to fuck me senseless for three months… not Bright.

  “His name is Jer. That is all I know. He works at Paradox Ink and is part owner with Sully. Oh and my tattoo is generic.” She said the last part all snide and hoyty-toyty and looked at me.

  I laugh and shrug my shoulders. “Hey, I warned you what the tatterflies get but it was your call. Besides you said you wanted generic so who was I to judge?”

  “What the fuck is a Tatterfly?” I ask and Tayla interrupts us.

  “Oh my God. Bright, Jer is Noah Becket. He tattoos under a pseudonym for privacy reasons. All his clients are well known and he has been their artist for years. It is why Sully did your tattoo I am assuming. Noah refuses to take new clients on.”

  I see the glint in her eye as she takes in what T is saying, knowing damn well I wanted to take her on but couldn’t.

  “I have an idea. Why don’t we all bust out Summer Lovin for Sandy and Danny here?” Cal said from behind us, the entire peanut gallery listening in at the doorway and bust up laughing. Tay, Carrie and Sully all laugh at his joke but I keep my eyes on the prize in front of me.

  “Funny fuck-face.” I look to T. “Head in I will explain this to her.

  I don’t take my eyes off Bright as they all shuffle back inside, to gossip about this entire thing. But I just fold my arms and watch her. I observe everything and everyone and she is no different. I pin her with my thousand yard stare and wait for her to cringe from the weight.

  She doesn’t, she stares me right back and I swear to God I could split her in half with my dick right now.

  See, I never once tried to be anyone I am not when it comes to being a man anyway. I have no high hopes that I can get as lucky as I was in love the first time around. I accept that I will fuck my way through America until my dick doesn’t work anymore. Even without the band I am a tattoo artist and with it comes endless pussy. Here and now though I know she wants me to fuck her. I will too.

  “Well Tay summed it up, but if you have lingering questions I am happy to answer.” I take a seat on one of the front steps, wanting to help her feel less attacked. I felt kind bad for how everyone immediately jumped to the stalker pool without giving the benefit of the doubt. Myself included.

  She cocks her hip to the side and looks at me with a flirty glare. “So you tattoo and you’re a rock star? Must have been one hell of a career day at your high school?”

  I laugh as arrogant as I can. “I never went to school. Carrie and me were homeschooled until I dropped out at seventeen to apprentice and make enough money to support us. Carrie never entered a school until her ninth grade year.”

  “Shit, sounds like there’s a story there Noah.” She puts major emphasis on my name and I couldn’t care less if she was offended by my fake naming her at the shop.

  She wants to play tough I have no problem knocking her off that pedestal and on her sweet round plush ass. “Does it really matter what name you scream when we fuck?”

  Oh hell, I love doing that. I love watching the truth come out in the most inappropriate ways. I hate games, I would rather get right to the point, but women for some reason love taking a detour around the fucking obvious.

  “Excuse me?” She tried to sound offended I’ll give her that, but I knew the truth and so did she. That spark and need was evident the minute she walked through the PIT’s door. If she needed a detour then I had no problem making her squirm the entire time.

  “Oh… you don’t want to fuck me?” I ask and don’t hide my smile.

  I know, I know. I am an asshole.

  “Are you mental? Who says this shit? I mean honestly?” She actually is shocked. I can hea
r it as she stumbles over her words. Thing is, I don’t care Hot chicks know they are hot. They talk hot, walk hot, eat hot. It is in every nuance and I love taking it and owning it. They never see me coming. I don’t play the chase game and I don’t beg and hot chicks love being chased. That is why Bright is stumbling. She wants to fuck me, and I have been with too many women to not know when I am wanted. She is tripping out because I called her out and that leaves her with absolutely no game. Here and now she will either cut the shit or try and flirt her way out of it.

  This moment will dictate my level of respect for her.

  “What? Shocked I could be so blunt? I just call em as I see em and you want to fuck me.” I take a step off the stair I was sitting on and pull on my own swagger as I get up close and personal. I can feel her heat we are so close, her minty breath fanning my face and I can hear her breath catch at the closeness. “Just as much as I want you.” I emphasize the last three words as I swoop her hair from her shoulder and lean in like I might kiss her, slow….so fucking slow I can feel her anxiety. I don’t kiss her though. I let my nose travel up her neck and I breathe in the scent of her hair.

  Knowing I made my point I step back unaffected and cross my arms in wait.

  I watch as her demeanor changes immediately. And I am so turned on I could pound nails with my dick. Gone was the flirty little hottie and in her place was a determined sexy female. No games. She was down.

  “So if I base this on just physical, hell yes I would definitely take you up on that offer. Considering I am your sponsor it makes things rather tricky because I am no mans conquest.”

  I laugh. “So be my sponsor and fuck when we wanna fuck. No harm no foul.”

  I honestly feel like a pirate right now because I have found the lost treasure. This is mythical, lord of the rings shit. A sexy hot female looking to fuck no strings? Sign me up.

  I falter almost immediately as my stupid fucking heart reminds me I had that same treasure in Candey.