Never Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance #5) Read online

  "I lick first." He states and palms my knees open. "Spread baby, let me see what I have been dreaming of for the last eight weeks."

  I do as he says and here him curse under his breath. "Fuck me Bright, I have been beating off to you for two months and it wasn't nearly as pretty as this. Fuck your cunt is glistening, begging me tongue fuck you."

  I knew from the minute I met him that he would be dirty, but I didn't do him justice. As much as it has me revved up, nothing got me hotter than knowing he beat off thinking of being inside me. "You beat off to me?"

  "Oh hell yeah girl. Daily." He wastes no time in dropping his mouth to my gate and licking a soft long line along the seam of my pussy. "I need to open you and taste." He says and thumbs my lips open and slips his tongue in the hole of me and I arch from the bed, my fingers knotting in his hair immediately.

  His tongue would flick soft at my clit maybe ten times consistently before pulling back and tonguing my hole, then back again. In the few minutes he had started in on me he had me on the brink of coming every time he stopped to fuck me with his tongue. "Noah, I need to come. Either get me off or I'll gladly finger it myself."

  His hands grabbed my wrists and locked on to them like manacles and went back to that torture of licking me to the edge. This time he left me there to fall over. In one swift move he released my hands so I could claw at him, screaming his name as pure bliss took me over the edge.

  ***

  Noah

  I finished her off, licking every drop I could from her. Fuck me her taste was addicting. I love eating pussy. Nothing gets me harder than sucking a woman dry and being covered in her scent. I haven't tasted a woman since Candey. I've fucked plenty but I wasn't touching them with my mouth, hell my dick was double wrapped. Bright I wanted raw, bare nothing but the skin between us.

  I crawl up her body, kissing the inside of her wrists as I went. "If, and that's a big if, but if I don't do a good job babe, then by all means fuck yourself but you were wet and dripping on my tongue so I had to make a point. This pussy…" I stop and stroke her swollen clit making her squirm. "It's mine, until you tell me it isn't."

  "Okay Noah." She says and giggles a little and I melt but don't let her know what it does to me to hear her submissive for once.

  "Are you on anything?" I ask and take my dick in my hand and rub my apa ball on her clit and the sound she makes has me spilling some pre-cum on it.

  "Yes, I've been on birth control since I hit puberty." She says and cups my cheek before nipping at my lips.

  In that moment I do something I have never done, even with Candey and I give her everything I am feeling. "I need you to know, that as much as I want you right now, for the night and every night…" I fight for my words and pull back to kneel between her legs. My cock is jutting out from my undone pants begging to be let in. I am refusing until she knows where I stand. "It doesn’t have to be tonight baby." I absently rub my hand up and down her leg as I speak just above a whisper. "It's been four years since you’ve touched a man, and fuck, I want it even though I don't deserve it."

  She props herself up, naked and perfect in the moonlight as she tells me what I need to hear, what I am dying to hear. "Noah, this is what I have been saving it for. This isn't meaningless and a means to forget my pain. I don't think anything about this could ever be a mistake baby."

  I come down over her and kiss her, taking her into me the only way I can. My cock is right there, waiting for my hips to push and I am through denying her and I. "Can I come in you?" I ask, my hand reaching between us and my thumb landing on her clit, circling it and fuck, she is soaked and slippery.

  "Yes." She says and those words are all I need. I shift my hips and can feel her pussy wet and hot, guiding me as I thrust and enter her in one long solid force.

  Chills spread through my body and my balls tighten painfully and I realize I pushed myself too far and start thinking of anything to keep from coming. I groan and burry my face against her chest, my toes curling as I fight to get control.

  It takes me way too long to realize she is stiff and not moving. I look up and see tears in her eyes and she's breathing heavy. That definitely calmed my libido. I pulled out immediately and rolled to her side. "Talk to me Bright…" I can hear the panic in my voice, I hate it, but I love her and guilt assails me when I think of the obvious. "Fuck, baby I didn't think. I hurt you?"

  My hand cups her face forcing her to look at me. "I didn't think it would hurt…" She says and her breath is choppy.

  "I am so sorry gorgeous…" I sooth her by kissing along her jaw. "I would never hurt you knowingly." I say and drop a kiss to her lips. She opens for me and I feel her fingers on the hairs at the back of my neck and her hand goes to mine, entangling our fingers. She uses my hand to brace her and rolls until she is on top of me.

  "Let me." She says and strokes her pussy along my dick.

  I watch as she gets off skin on skin without me inside her and I swear, hand to God, it is the sexiest thing I have ever felt or seen. I feel her hand grab me and lines us up before encasing me slowly, inch my glorious inch until I am fully seated inside of her. "So good, fuck you feel so good Noah. I have never felt this amazing and hot before."

  And that's my cue to move. My hands go to her hips and guide her, slow at first as she rides me. Her eyes are on me and I know by the look in them that she is ready to let me unleash on her. "What do you need baby. Tell me." I demand and place my thumb on her clit forcing another orgasm to take her.

  She squeezes me like a vice and I feel her nails in my skin on my chest and I am done being submissive. I roll her until she is beneath me and kiss her long and hard. "This okay?" I ask and keep up the tempo she started with, even though I want to pound her pussy through the mattress.

  "More…" She says and pushes on my ass as I thrust in and stop.

  "More?" I question and try not to hope.

  "Harder." She says and I groan and let go. My hips like pistons I drilled her to me with every stroke hard and deep. "Deeper Noah, oh my God I feel them."

  The 'them' is my piercings and I am reminded for the millionth time why I have them and smile arrogantly. Now I intend to show her exactly what they do. I slowly pull back and let her feel that bump, bump, bump of my ladder then thrust deep and keep my thrusts short and hard as the apa hits her spot inside that brings her pussy to the breach of euphoria. "Holy fuck, there baby. Right there, don't stop please."

  "Come for me beautiful, I need to feel you explode. Fuck baby you'll gush all over me. Let me have it, drench me Bright."

  She does, fuck does she ever. I feel her constrict around me and everything inside goes molten hot and it’s a mess of perfection. I am so close I want to grind on her to keep her coming when I come with her.

  "Fuck yes, so good Bright. I need to come love. I'll soak you baby." I am pumping hard and fast when I feel my spine straighten and my balls explode and I roar. "God damn, oh fuck…" I feel her coming against me as I empty every drop inside of her and feel it dripping off my sack and onto her ass. "Oh fuck I love how soaked you are." I say and fall on top of her enough to kiss her as I jerk slightly dragging it out until I am certain I gave her it all. When I pull out I watch as my cum drips out and I admit I love a messy pussy. I can slide in all night and there is no way I am done fucking her. I am reminded of her poem and that yes, endings don't matter as much when the beginning can be magical.

  Say goodbye

  As we dance with the devil tonight

  Don't you dare look at him in the eye

  As we dance with the devil tonight

  Breaking Benjamin~Dance with the devil

  Chapter Seventeen

  Noah

  It's about three in the morning and I am wrapped in perfection. Bright is over my chest, her face over my peck and her arm draped up and on my shoulder her legs tangled in mine. I am unable to sleep. Part of me is terrified it’s a dream and I'll wake up in the morning on the bus with some fucking dirty fangirl. The other half of me is
not willing to let it end. I want to call my sister and tell her the world didn't end and that there was good to be had… I wanted to call her and tell her how scared I was.

  I shit you not I hear the faint buzzing of my iPhone from my jeans on the floor and cringe as I roll from the bed to get it. Damn near nothing could have pulled me from the heaven I was in, but a three am call tells me something's up. It's my sister and I am instantly on guard.

  "Sissy?" I say and throw my jeans on, forgoing boxers and tip toe out of the room not wanting to wake my girl. Almost tripped at the notion of calling her mine. I had only ever called one mine.

  "Hey man its Chad." Hearing the strain in his voice, everything, and I mean everything inside of me comes to a horrifying still.

  "What is it bro?" I ask and I use a tone that is reserved for my sister when the dark comes to remind her of all she survived. Chad sounding this scared, scared me to my soul and I had to be strong for him. I was lacing my chucks and buttoning my pants when Bright came out painful shock at seeing me getting dressed in the dark. I shake my head to reassure her and pull her to my side so she can feel I am not bailing on her.

  "Carrie woke up screaming and uh… look, I think you need to get over here Noah." He is silent for a moment and I look at Bright.

  "Get dressed baby." She doesn’t hesitate and rushes to her room.

  "I can't handle this. I have never seen her like this she's in a full meltdown." Chad takes pride in knowing he knows how to take care of her when shit gets too intense. The fact he is calling in reinforcements tells me something happened and she won't tell him.

  "Its gonna be hours bro. I'm still in Cali." I only told Carrie that I stayed to bring Bright back and I have a fleeting moment that I should have waited for after the break and headed home where they need me, they all do.

  "So are we. Carrie knew you were going to stay so she asked us to stay another night."

  I smile knowing her. She had stayed in case it went to shit, even though she knows I would handle it and most likely not run off to them. She stayed because she needed to be where I was. "Well thank fuck for small favors."

  I see Bright come rushing from her room with my shirt and hoodie, dressed in Jeans and a hoodie that says The Brew. I put the phone on speaker so I can finish getting dressed. "I can be there in about twenty minutes. Where's Noelle?"

  I grab my keys from the counter where I threw them and follow Bright out the door. "She's sleeping, she has no clue what's up. I was able to calm her down but now she's just sitting in the chair in our room looking off to nothing and shaking. She ain't coming out of it Noah." He sounds truly scared and I want to tell him why but I can't, not over the phone.

  "Alright, just go sit by her. Don't say or do anything unless she asks you too. I am on the road now." I say and set the Bluetooth on my phone and tear out of the lot of the Brew.

  "Got it." He says and ends the call. The minute the radio blares and we know the call is ended, Bright turns it down and looks at me.

  "What happened?" She is scared and trying so hard not to let me see it. She is so much like me, and so different too.

  "Something with our dad. Carrie flipped out screaming then went catatonic. She's sitting in a chair staring at the wall on the bus shaking."

  "Should we call 911?"

  "No. I can handle it. This happens from time to time. It always will. It's usually reserved for some fucked up thing our dad did." I look at the cars lining the entrance to the freeway and curse. "Is there ever not road congestion in this shithole?"

  "Don't take the freeway baby. Stay on Elm, it'll be empty this time of morning and it will bring you right to the stadium."

  I take her hand and wind it with my fingers and kiss her knuckles. "He had to of reached out somehow. Fucking piece of shit. I should have killed him when I had the chance."

  I hear her teeny gasp and she quickly looks out the window not letting me see her fear and I know I am scaring her. "The last time she went dark like this he broke into our house and beat her senseless then bound her to a table to rape her when the cops and our uncle got there. She was out of it for three days. The Doctor told me it was her minds way of protecting her. I had met with him like a month before, strapped and ready to kill him if I had too…" I shake my head in disgust. "I should have done it. That's why I know he did something and she won't tell Chad, she will only tell me."

  "Why though? He's her husband?" I understood her question and she was right in a sense. It was so rare that Chad couldn’t calm her out and I had to come calm her. In those moments I know exactly why she needs me.

  "Shame. She is so ashamed of what he did to her, of what she thinks Chad will think of her, even though he loves her so intense. She is ashamed and in that we connect and that's where Trust me comes in to play. It's a world where anything can be the reality but no lies. Pink flying cars, animals talk, elephants fly, but no secrets. In the world of trust we tell our truths."

  "So you'll play this with her and it helps her come out of it?" She isn't judging, she is asking out of concern and I love she doesn’t pander to me.

  I nod. "I saved us as kids because of it. It was something I did one night when she was so scared and I was trying anything to get her to talk to me. From then on we just kept playing it and it saved us."

  "You're a special kind of amazing Noah Beckett." She says and kisses my knuckles as I did hers before.

  "I'm a special kind of fucked up baby. I just need to save her from being me."

  She doesn’t say anything, just looks at me with sadness and shakes her head. I know she hurts with how I feel, everyone does. I am doing my best to be what they need, but I don't think I can be normal. I am not typical and I wish they would accept it and stop acting like I should be.

  Noah

  I get to their bus and meet Bright at the front of my car taking her hand in mine. Chad is at the door holding an awake Noelle in his arms. "What's up? What happened?" I ask and catch her as she leans from Chad's arms into mine. "Hey my girly, why ain't you sleeping?" I ask and hug her to me close kissing her head.

  "Mamma is sad and crying." She says with the typical pronunciation of an almost four year old.

  I need to get to her so I take Noelle with me. I follow Chad down the hall, Noelle in my arms and Bright's hand in mine until I see Carrie in the chair crying tears streaming down her face. I hand Chad Noelle and let Brights hand go. I fall to my knees in front of her and take her hands in mine. "Hey sissy can you look at me?" She keeps staring off into space, so I strengthen my voice even though its killing me.

  "Hey, Carrie. Look at me now, come on."

  Her eyes carry the same detached sadness mine do and I see it now as she lets them fall on me. "There you are." I say and smile. She doesn’t smile back but I don't expect her to.

  "You wanna play a game sis?" I ask and rub my hand on her arm to let her feel our connection. Chad sniffles and I can see his eyes wet with tears. I give him a look that says 'knock that shit off' and he uses the sleeve of his Henley to dry his eyes. I know he hurts when she hurts and I am comforted by his desire to always keep her and Noelle safe, but right now calls for bravery and strength.

  She nods through her tears and grabs for my hand. "Right now we are running around your kitchen driving you crazy while you are trying to cook. Noelle and Axe are playing with the flour on the floor and Chad keeps kissing you every time he comes in for another beer."

  "And Candey is there, helping me make pumpkin pies?" She asks, her voice shaky. I feel my heart break for the millionth time and cringe looking to Bright for understanding. All I see is her strong support and she doesn’t take it personal.

  I do though.

  It kills me to do what I am about to do, but I let go and now maybe she needs to as well. My future is sitting beside me, strong and sure and my past is someone we both will always love, but she is our memory and we need to live in her honor and in her name.

  It kills me though.

  "No sissy. Bright is
there though. She's talking your ear off on designer labels and bitching about her manicure being destroyed by the end of dinner." I feel my tears spill over and look to Chad for support. I had made it clear that there would be no tears, yet mine fall freely. I feel his hand on my shoulder in support and Bright smiles at me, tears in her eyes.

  Carrie looks over her shoulder at Bright and smiles, coming out of it with a hard cry and looking back at me. "I'm so sorry." She says and curls her arms around me, weeping as I hold her; the pillar of strength she will forever need.

  "No need for sorry baby girl. I raised you better than that."

  She nods and cries harder. I let her get it out and Chad leaves with Noelle and Bright stays silent behind my sister. "Talk to me Carrie. What brought this on?"

  "I'm pregnant." She says and weeps against my shoulder again.

  This is not what I expected and I wait patient for her to tell me why that put her in such a terrified state.

  She reaches beside her and hands me a small onesie thingy that babies wear. It was white and in yellow… "Mother fucker!" I say and chuck it in the garbage as bile rises in my throat. I hear Chad coming from down the hall and looks at me with confused concern. I point to the garbage and try to collect my thoughts. "When did you find out Sissy?"

  Chad holds it up and reads the words that say Worlds Proudest Grandpa on it in bright yellow. I am reminded again why I should have killed him when I had the chance.

  "Where'd you get this babe?" Chad asks and shoves it in his back pocket.

  "I found it in Noelle's room." She says and I can tell the fear is fading and rage is coming in. "Fuck yeah baby girl. Get pissed!"

  I look to Bright to clarify because I can't tell she is scared of what that said. "Our dad sent her a gift."